One Bunker to Rule Them All.

Do Billionaires Have a Bunker Fetish? Meet Peter Thiel.

The ultra-wealthy's doomsday shopping list just got weird

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So apparently, while us regular folks are debating whether to spring for the name-brand cereal, billionaires are out here playing Minecraft with actual countries. And their block of choice? New Zealand. Specifically, a tiny resort town called Queenstown that's become the Hamptons of the apocalypse.

The Plot Thickens (Like Concrete Bunker Walls)

Meet Peter Thiel, the guy who co-founded PayPal and apparently thinks Middle-earth is the perfect place to wait out the end times. In 2011, this dude managed to become a New Zealand citizen after spending a whopping 12 days there. Twelve. Days. That's less time than most people spend deciding on a Netflix series.

But here's where it gets spicy: Thiel isn't just collecting passports like Pokémon cards. He bought 193 hectares (that's 480 acres for us Americans who don't speak metric) of lakeside property in 2015. The official plan? "Luxury resort." The internet's theory? Doomsday bunker disguised as a luxury resort.

Welcome to Bunker Town, Population: Paranoid

Queenstown has become the unofficial capital of rich people's existential dread. It's like if Zillow had a "zombie apocalypse" filter. The town sits at a moderate 310 meters above sea level (eat that, rising sea levels!) and is surrounded by mountains that would make even the most determined angry mob think twice about the commute.

Fun fact: Queenstown was hit by severe flooding in 1999 when Lake Wakatipu decided to throw a tantrum and rise over 2 meters. Properties got dunked up to 1 meter deep, causing $50 million in damage. But hey, if you're building a bunker, what's a little water damage, right?

The Lord of the Rings Connection (Because Of Course)

Here's where it gets deliciously ironic. Queenstown and the surrounding areas were filming locations for The Lord of the Rings trilogy. You know, those movies about little people destroying jewelry to save the world from ultimate evil. And Thiel's company? It's called Palantir. As in, the "all-seeing stones" from the same movies. The stones that, let's remember, were basically evil surveillance tools that corrupted everyone who used them.

So we've got a surveillance tech billionaire buying property in the place where they filmed a movie about power corrupting absolutely. The simulation is getting a bit on-the-nose, don't you think?

The Steve Huffman Eye Surgery Plot Twist

But wait, there's more! Reddit's CEO Steve Huffman got laser eye surgery not because he wanted to look cool or see better, but because "if the world ends, getting contacts or glasses is going to be a huge pain in the ass. Without them, I'm fucked."

Let that sink in. This man runs a website where people argue about whether pineapple belongs on pizza, and he's out here getting elective surgery for the apocalypse. That's some next-level forward thinking, or next-level paranoia. Probably both.

The Housing Crisis Irony

Meanwhile, actual residents of Queenstown are sleeping in cars, tents, and on couches because there's a massive housing shortage. So while billionaires are planning their doomsday estates, the people who actually live there can't afford to live there. It's like gentrification, but with a side of existential dread.

In 2023, 100 people protested at the waterfront about the housing shortage. Imagine explaining to future archaeologists that people protested homelessness in the same town where the world's richest people built their panic rooms.

The Bottom Line

Look, maybe these billionaires know something we don't. Maybe they've seen the writing on the wall, or the algorithms on the screen, or whatever rich people read to predict the future. Or maybe, just maybe, when you have more money than entire countries, you start buying insurance policies that would make a Bond villain jealous.

Either way, if the apocalypse does come, at least we know where to find the people who saw it coming. They'll be the ones in the luxury bunkers in Middle-earth, probably complaining that the Wi-Fi isn't strong enough to stream Netflix.

Because nothing says "prepared for societal collapse" quite like making sure you can still binge-watch The Office while civilization burns.

What's your doomsday prep strategy? Let me know in the comments—I promise not to tell Peter Thiel.