The Bunker Lifestyle Is Very In Right Now.
Rich Guys Playing Hide and Seek, While we're all arguing about the price of eggs.
So apparently while we're all arguing about the price of eggs, the world's richest humans have been quietly building underground fortresses like they're prepping for a zombie apocalypse. Plot twist: they might actually be the zombies.
The Gang's All Here (Underground)
Let's meet our cast of characters, shall we?
Mark Zuckerberg owns 1,400 acres in Hawaii where he's building what can only be described as a "secret lair." We're talking a 5,000 square foot underground bunker with blast-proof doors and armed guards patrolling beaches that are supposed to be public. Workers have to sign NDAs so strict that one called it "fight club." Because nothing says "I'm totally normal" like making your construction crew take a blood oath about your doomsday shed.
Larry Ellison just straight-up bought an entire Hawaiian island. Like, 98% of Lanai. For $300 million. That's not eccentric rich guy behavior, that's Bond villain territory. Man literally owns a fiefdom.
Marc Benioff has been gobbling up Hawaiian land through shell companies, paying 50% over asking price like he's speed-running Monopoly. He even bought out the local bakery because apparently fresh croissants are essential for surviving the apocalypse.
Jeff Bezos dropped $78 million on a Maui estate because when you've got "fuck you" money, why not have "fuck everyone on Earth" real estate too?
The Bunker Lifestyle Is Very In Right Now
These aren't your grandpa's fallout shelters. We're talking luxury bunkers with indoor pools, hydroponic farms, and artificial sunlamps. Because if civilization collapses, you'll still need that perfect Instagram lighting.
The global bunker market is apparently booming. Rich people are asking serious questions like "Should I build my doomsday lair in New Zealand or Alaska?" and "How do I maintain authority over my security force after the event?"
That second question is particularly chef's kiss levels of dystopian. Imagine being so paranoid about your bodyguards turning on you during the apocalypse that you need to workshop it with experts. "Yeah, hi, quick question about my private army – how do I make sure they don't eat me when society collapses?"
Local Reaction: Not Great, Bob
Turns out Hawaiian locals aren't thrilled about tech bros turning their sacred land into fortified compounds. Who could have seen that coming?
Zuckerberg's compound is visible from public roads, with guards who sometimes tell locals they can't use beaches that are constitutionally guaranteed to be public. Because nothing says "aloha spirit" like privatizing paradise.
The real kicker? His company filed lawsuits against hundreds of Native Hawaiians to sort out ancestral land claims on properties he wanted. He defended this on Facebook (of course) as just trying to "pay everyone their fair share." How generous of him to sue people so he could pay them.
One local activist perfectly summed it up: they're watching "Silicon Valley titanism" clash with Hawaiian cultural rebirth. Spoiler alert: the guys with billions of dollars and armies of lawyers usually win these fights.
It's Not Just Hawaii
The billionaire bunker boom is global:
New Zealand: Long marketed as the ultimate "escape hatch," complete with Peter Thiel getting citizenship as his personal doomsday insurance policy
Montana: Secret bunkers in the Rockies, because apparently tech bros think they're Rambo
Texas: Companies are literally converting missile silos into luxury hideouts. Nothing says "I'm prepared for anything" like living in a decommissioned weapon of mass destruction
Scandinavia: Because if you're going to wait out the end times, might as well do it somewhere with good healthcare and functional government
The Psychology of Bunker Life
Here's the beautiful irony: the people building these escape pods are the same ones whose companies and decisions are arguably making the world more unstable. It's like an arsonist buying a really nice fire extinguisher.
As one tech futurist noted, the richest people "see themselves as utterly incapable of creating a future where everything's gonna be OK" – so they're just buying better hiding spots.
The Real Plot Twist
While these guys are playing survival cosplay, regular people in Hawaii can't afford housing. The median household income is $74K, but housing costs are astronomical. So locals get to watch billionaires build panic rooms while they're priced out of their own homeland.
It's like watching someone buy a life raft while they're actively drilling holes in your boat.
What This Actually Means
This isn't just rich people being weird (though they absolutely are). It's a window into how wealth inequality plays out in real time. When a handful of people have enough money to buy private islands and militarize them, that's not eccentricity – that's feudalism with better Wi-Fi.
The bunker boom raises some uncomfortable questions: Is it ethical to secure guaranteed survival for yourself while everyone else struggles with basic housing? Should individuals be able to buy their way out of collective problems? And most importantly: if even billionaires think shit's about to hit the fan, maybe the rest of us should pay attention?
The Bottom Line
So here we are, watching the world's richest people build elaborate hiding spots while the rest of us argue about student loans and climate change. They're not trying to fix the problems – they're just trying to outlast them.
The good news? History suggests that when things get bad enough for rich people to need their bunkers, those bunkers probably won't save them anyway. Turns out you can't actually buy your way out of systemic collapse, no matter how many armed guards you hire.
The bad news? We'll all find out together.
Sweet dreams, everyone. Try not to think about the fact that Mark Zuckerberg has a more comprehensive disaster plan than most governments.
P.S. If any billionaires are reading this from their luxury bunkers: the Wi-Fi password for the apocalypse is probably "password123" because even your IT guys will have given up by then.
P.P.S If you value Privacy please visit Jason Rowe @ Beyond The Firewall – Your Privacy Toolkit Highly Recommended.
They are planning to build colonies on Mars and other places with the ability to travel in space. They will have all the science they need through AI.
Strangely, for all their detailed preparations and precautions, these wannabe Survivor winners can't seem to see beyond the apocalypse horizon.
Or perhaps they choose not to.
Because there are so many, many more of us than there are of them, and underground there's no place to run.
They scheme to survive an apocalypse which -- if it descends -- will be largely of their own making. They strive, racing against their biological clocks, to confer literal personal immortality upon themselves.
SF writers have covered every angle of these scenarios over the decades. One would think these techno bros would've imbibed this body of work with their mother's milk. But if they did, they've either forgotten or rejected the lessons of literature and history.
Apocalypses don't end sweetly for the survivors, nor do sieges for the besieged.
Look on their works, ye mighty and despair.